Saturday, May 18, 2013

Ch 19: Spiritual Journey of Trans and the conversation of Love

   Hello, hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend,

   Last time I wrote I left you with a little 'cliff-hanger' on my first girlfriend.  In speaking about emotions it opened me to remembering this experience of naive behavior that I had when I was about fourteen, a freshman in high-school and head-over-heals for this girl.  Now the reality of the situation is I had no idea what love was or what was happening or what a relationship meant.  And honestly the relationship itself lasted a week and all we did was hold hands and pass notes in class and talk on the phone.  But I suppose that is how all relationships have to start, phone, written world and reaching out to hold each others hand in support.

   Either way, I remember walking around that week with my head held high with a stupid grin on my face because I felt and believed that this girl 'loved' or really liked me.  And in my belief, I was amazed that I could find someone in the world that would want to be a part of my life and like me that much.  In a way I look back at it and think I was very much the 'girl' in not really knowing what to do, not understanding that there were likely other expectations of kissing, hugging and other things that I just really didn't know how to even initiate never mind what to do after the initiation.  So, I was a hopeless romantic and she moved on to the next boy, but that relationship left me jaded in some ways, I cried for almost two days after she broke up with me and don't think still to this day I have ever truly fully let my guard down.  Not that I don't want to, but just the barrier we build in a way to protect ourselves from being hurt like that again begins to be built.  Don't get me wrong I love and express my love to my wife, I just don't think I leave myself completely vulnerable to her in every way.  I'm not dependent on her as we are a team now, and can and should be able to operate both together and as individuals.

   Once again we segway nicely to the next topic, now I know a lot of people don't like talking about spirituality and everyone has their own beliefs.  But today I watched Kumare, watched a few of the 7 questions projects on We Happy Trans, and then started watching the ABC show Scandal, where the main character says something to the effect of, 'I come to you not to save you from persecution but from personal experience to let you know that who we love, and who we are is something that shouldn't have to be a secret.'  In the show she is talking to an ex-military individual who was gay, and would have to reveal being gay in order to corroborate his alibi.

   Now in looking at this military individuals case he viewed being gay as shameful, that he was publicly republican, a war hero and possibly going to be running for Senate at some point in the future.  That having it publicly known that he was gay somehow tarnished his reputation and changed who he was.  But we all have to find that strength in ourselves and say to the world, "Here I Am!"  We all do it in our own way, some of us with more stealth than others, but in the end the reaction and what we want from society is the same.  We want them to view us as who we are inside, who we have always known ourselves to be, but have been too afraid to show the world because the skin we are in doesn't match who our spirit is.

   So, spiritually in going through this experience we look at Kumare, a man trying to find his own spirituality through others in trying to portray his best self.  " 'When I was creating Kumare, who is this guy going to be, I was looking at the big ones, Jesus, Buddah, what did they say? What did they do? And the one thing I couldn't get down with that they could was saying that they had authority,' Gandhi explained. 'Kumare was about saying he didn't have authority.'

    Kumare's message was simple: The only guru you need is inside yourself -- that's the cornerstone of Kumare's invented 'mirror philosophy.'

    'I wanted to sort of tell a cautionary tale about spiritual leaders,' he said. 'We trick ourselves to believe them so we can be happier too, so this was just sort of trying to unveil the trick.'

    Gandhi said he would tell every yoga class, and repeatedly tell his band of followers, that Kumare was not real, that he was no more a guru than the people in front of him. 

    'People often thought that was a riddle because the accent, because of the robe and because of what we are programmed to think as a holy man,' he said. 'It might be naïve, but I think everybody has a similar potential to be wise and good,' " (

   But just as we being trans are inside someone else by gender, why is it not the same for everyone?  Why do we not all have this potential locked within ourselves, held back by fear and discrimination?  This is not an issue exclusive to the trans or gender dysphoric community, it is an issue that is universally understood.  We all want to be able to unlock our true selves to put our best foot forward and turn the other cheek, but we make mistakes and we have a hard time allowing our true and 'best' selves to come out because of the fear that keeps it hidden inside.

   Well, I say that we can no longer be afraid, that fighting among ourselves as trans, gender dysphoric, cross-dressers, gay, lesbian and straight alike.  It is time for the 'true' ideal and idea behind the word communism comes to the forefront, any of you who know what I'm talking about may find it hard to believe that the human race or humans as a species may ever be ready for this idea.  Now I'm not talking about communism in the sense of Russia under Stalin, or China with a central government that controls all property and everything.  But a commune in which we as a people across the world come together to not hate, to love and help each other, because we are more effective and efficient if we share ideas and can trust each other than we are if we fear and hate each other.  Honestly my goal in making the world a better place is to hopefully see a day where we can work together, where the economy isn't about who has the most money or stuff, but in helping feed, house, cloth, and prosper the world by elevating the people to work together.

to be continued ...
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